I don’t want to watch someone I love die slowly

My mother reminded me two days ago that I’m very lucky to have all 4 of my grandparents still alive.

I don’t feel the same way about that

Worrying about my friends who are fully healthy, and checking my pulse few times a day are now a way to waste and incase some shame. because I want to use worry where I can trust that tomorrow it will be gone

I know someone who’s anxiety developed because they couldn’t speak free any more. Old age is a jail cell that filters their words unfairly. And it almost feels like cheating when I can say I love you, even when I know he does too.